Step by Step, Three Choices: Day 2

Tuesday, September 22nd

Keep in mind these are SMALL triumphs, people. Don't expect enormous breakthroughs. This is all about the day to day little things.

1 - My friend Jess convinced me (I swear it wasn't my idea!) to get Red Mango (www.redmango.com) tonight while she was over visiting. I have cut way back on my addiction in recent weeks, but I'm proud to say that quite possibly for the first time ever, instead of getting the 'Regular' (Medium), I ordered a small. She and Fabricio said something crazy to the effect that with dessert, it's the taste you crave, not the quantity. You aren't eating to feel full, it's just the flavor that you want. While I feel like I basically knew this already (I mean, duh, right?), it sort of blew my mind a little bit. Like, "Ohhhhh, yeah that's true!".

2 - I can't come up with a number two, so I'm going to say that the second good thing I did was that I learned the dessert thing from Jess & Fabricio.

3 - Today was "Waffle Day" in my office. (Yes, you heard right. Meetup is an amazing place to work, though this is just one of the reasons.) The options included buttermilk Eggos, syrup, powdered sugar, Reddi-Whip, chocolate chips, sweet cream butter, the WORKS. I chose two small organic whole wheat belgian waffles that were high in fiber. I covered them with sliced strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and a drizzle of lite syrup. Score one major point for me!

Step by Step: Three Choices, Day 1

Monday, September 21st

1 - Ate a healthy breakfast of oatmeal with a banana. I have been skipping breakfast recently, but I know that it's the best way to kick-start my metabolism each morning.

2 - Had a Subway sandwich for lunch and skipped the cheese. I skip the cheese 70% of the time, but had I not been doing this 'three good things a day' post, I probably would have gone for it.

3 - Went to a friend's birthday dinner and drank nothing but water. No booze for me!

What small triumphs or changes have you made recently?

"The Real Thing"

I've got to start keeping it real, so here's the deal. As you've seen from my previous entries, I usually try to spend a lot of time working on each of them. I've been giving them appropriate names using song titles, quotes, etc., and just generally being OCD about the whole thing. However, the pressure I foolishly put on myself to make the blog captivating has in turn made it stagnate. I need to post on a very regular basis to make this work. (And also to keep you, my treasured readers, coming back).

I was eating dinner with my wonderful friend Katie (let's not talk about what we ate!), and she gave me the sweet yet serious wake-up call I needed. I owe it to myself and all of you to keep this thing going, and to truly give it a shot to see where it takes me. I could use every excuse out there as to why I haven't kept up with this or a proper eating plan, but excuses are not what this is about. That's not to say that I'm doing horribly, as I have fully stopped the upswing of weight I was gaining. Now I've got to work to get that pendulum swinging back down in the right direction.

My plan to keep this blog active is to post at least every other day with a simple new feature titled "Step by Step: Three Choices A Day". Every day or two, I will make a post listing three positive and concrete actions I did (or did not do) in order to get one step closer to my ultimate goal. The pyramids were built stone by stone, and each one counted. The more I start to make good choices, the easier it will be to turn them into habits, and then finally a way of life.

I'm also cooking up some ideas for some other entries. I still have a rant in me about the way clothing is sized, and I will be interviewing a Zumba instructor as well. I've been trying to make it to Zumba at least once a week. It hasn't always happened, but sometimes it's happened twice in one week...so it's a start! But anyhow, more on that later. Thanks for sticking with me on this, folks. I warned you in the beginning that it wasn't going to be easy...but I'm going to do my best to keep it interesting!

"I'm the real thing, in stereo. I got a little highs, I got a little lows. Follow this melodic flow, I could make it shine, I could make it glow..."

(Ok, so I'll still try to use my song title entry sometimes. I'm not willing to give it up altogether!)

"Dolce Vita" Tiramisu

This is my first "Begrudgingly Healthy" entry, and we're starting with sweets! Some people can eat their way through bags of potato chips and Lil' Smokies, but for me...give me a bakery and a few hours and I'll be in heaven. Scones, carrot cake, muffins, tarts, lady-finger cookies, cobblers, madeleines, crisps, brownies, croissants, stop me now or I'll reach the blogspot word limit. Basically if left unchecked, I would turn into Augustus Gloop. Throw me in Willy Wonka's chocolate river and up the pipe, I'll see you in a few hours!

I decided that the first unhealthy food to take on would be tiramisu. To me there's no better dessert after a delicious Italian meal than a light yet creamy, sweet yet sharp tiramisu. Plus it has espresso and/or sweet liqueur, so where can it go wrong? Unfortunately it also is full of fat and sugar. Traditional tiramisu recipes call for egg yolks, sugar, mascarpone cheese, heavy whipping cream, and more sugar. The following recipe is extraordinarily low in fat and sugar, so I won't lie and say it's the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. If you eat it, you will be able to tell it is a reduced fat and low sugar creation. It's a major pet peeve of mine when people flat-out refuse to eat reduced fat or low sugar options simply because "It doesn't taste right, I can tell it's fake!". Well no kidding Ms. Supertaster, of course it won't be quite AS amazing when done healthily, but it is definitely a great replacement for those of us who don't want to be gordos for the rest of our lives. Without further ado, I give you the Dolce Vita Tiramisu!

Ingredients

1 regular sized (approx 9 oz.) sugar free angel food cake

1 envelope (0.82 ounce) General Foods International 100 Calorie Cafe Mocha Cappuccino mix

1 envelope (0.78 ounce) General Foods International 100 Calorie French Vanilla Cappuccino mix

2 cups skim milk

1 (8 ounce) package fat free cream cheese, softened

1 (1 ounce) box sugar free & fat free instant vanilla pudding mix

1 (8 ounce) container Cool Whip FREE whipped topping, thawed

1-2 tablespoons unsweetened dark cocoa powder

Directions

1. Cut your angel food cake into a few large pieces, and begin to tear into bite-sized chunks by hand. You can cube using a knife if you'd prefer, but it is much quicker and easier to rip it up. Place half of your chunks into the bottom of a medium sized baking dish. An 8 inch square dish is best, but I used an oval casserole dish with no problems. Set aside.

2. Combine mocha cappuccino mix and 1/2 cup milk in a small microwave-safe dish. Microwave on high 25-35 seconds; stir with a whisk until mix dissolves. Set aside.

3. Place softened cream cheese in a medium mixing bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth. Add 1 cup of milk; beat again until smooth. Add pudding mix; beat until blended together.

4. Combine french vanilla cappuccino mix and remaining 1/2 cup milk in a small microwave-safe dish. Microwave on high 25-35 seconds; stir with a whisk until mix dissolves. Add this vanilla cappuccino mixture to cream cheese/pudding mixture. Mix until combined.

5. Fold in entire container of Cool Whip Free.

6. Pour half of mocha cappuccino mixture over angel food cake in baking dish; top with half of cream cheese pudding mixture. Place remaining cake chunks on top of pudding mixture, and drizzle with remaining mocha cappuccino mixture. Top with remaining cream cheese pudding mixture. Smooth with silicone spatula to create an even and smooth flat surface.

7. Sprinkle dark cocoa through a small sieve (to avoid big chunks) over entire surface of tiramisu. Cover and chill, or if you simply can't wait serve immediately.

This serves approximately 8 people, though you can really make it anywhere from 6-10 servings depending on size. Based on 8 servings, this has approximately 198 calories and 0.5 gram of fat per serving.

What food would you like to see me turn begrudgingly healthy next? I want your ideas!

"We're walking like in a Dolce Vita, this time we've got it right. We're living like in a Dolce Vita, mmm gonna dream tonight..."

"Here I Go Again"

To those that have been checking regularly for an update to my last post, let me apologize for dropping the ball. Three weeks between posts is far too long, and I will make sure to keep things moving from this point forward. I've got lots of ideas, and I'm still very invested in this blog!

So where am I in the journey? Not altogether surprisingly, I had what I'm calling a false start. A soft launch. I began my program as planned, but as should be expected, life quickly got in the way. I would say I have been doing my program at 50-60%. The application I had decided to use on my iPhone to track calories (called 'Lose It') ended up being extremely tedious to use all day long. I went out of town twice. I had visitors for a few days. I received not one, but two rejection letters from prospective jobs within an hour of each other. I know that to be successful, I must adhere to my plan closer to 90-95% of the time. I'm in no way excusing my actions or lack thereof, I'm simply listing some of the things that I let get in the way of my progress so that I can learn from my mistakes.

Am I disappointed in myself? Yes, a bit. I'm not dwelling on the fact that I'm still at the starting line two and a half weeks into my race. I'm just trying to use this disappointment as a learning experience. I've learned that I very easily let myself get sidetracked. The adage that you must take everything one day at a time has never felt more true. In my case I think I need to make my mantra to take everything "one minute at a time". I caved and ate something I shouldn't? Oh well, that was two minutes ago, time to move on and start fresh. I'm having a great time with friends and had two margaritas (rocks/salt)? Well that was an iffy choice but if it's over and done then I must move on and start fresh...which means no gorging on extra tortilla chips at Blockheads just because I "already messed up". The time for wallowing has passed.

I'm going to ramp back up to 95% over the next few days. I think for calorie tracking I'm going to buy a simple note pad and golf pencil. As much as I love technology and hoped to track using my phone, I think this is one case where an old standard wins out.

Things learned:

Take everything one minute at a time.

Acknowledge, analyze, accept, and then move on.

Weight loss to date: 0 pounds.

"Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I've ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone. And I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time."

Coming up soon at Finally Losing It: A rant on clothing sizes, an exploration of the Zumba fitness craze, and a 'begrudgingly healthy' tiramisu recipe!

"Putting It Together"

I've spent the past week researching and trying to decide which diet to follow. When I say diet, I don't mean that I'm thinking of this whole endeavor as temporary, or even as a "diet" as it is commonly known. A few definitions of diet:

diet (dī′ət)

noun

1- what a person or animal usually eats and drinks; daily fare

2- a special or limited selection of food and drink, chosen or prescribed to promote health or a gain or loss of weight

So while what I'm doing may be eating a special selection of food and drink to promote health and lose weight, I will be looking at this all as my new "diet", definition number one. This is now what I usually eat and drink; my daily fare. I was considering following the Weight Watchers' Points system, where you place a point value on a serving of food, based on an equation that considers calories, fat, and fiber. However, I've decided against that for a few reasons. First, if I'm not 100% following the prescribed Weight Watchers plan, I shouldn't really do it at all. Secondly, I'd like to do something that anyone can do, without joining or paying or learning a proprietary system

So we're going back to basics. No fasts, no eating grapefruit at every meal, no removal of carbs, etc. We'll follow the simple equation of: less calories in, more calories burned = weight loss. This will mean doing some math, tracking calories in my food, etc. Not gonna lie, it's going to be a lot of work, at least in the beginning. But anyone who ever claimed you can lose weight easily LIED. This will be hard work, and rightly so the pay-off will be enormous. Simply, I will create a calorie deficit. To do this, we have to figure out how many calories our bodies burn every day. Researchers suggest that you should then only drop your caloric intake by no more than 500 calories per day for optimal weight loss. Dropping too many calories per day from your daily needs will put your body into a famine mode, where it will protect and prevent you from losing excessive amounts of weight. Thinking you literally cannot find enough to eat, your endocrine glands purposely slow your metabolism.

Basal metabolic rate is the minimum calorific requirement needed to sustain life and bodily functions while your body is at rest. Your BMR is determined based on a formula that examines weight, age, height, and sex. Once you figure out your BMR, you use the "Harris Benedict Formula" to figure out your daily calorie needs, based on your activity level. This will give you an approximate total number of daily calories needed to maintain your current weight. Then, to lose fat (and only a minimal amount of lean tissue), you reduce your calories by 500-1000 per day. If you only have a little to lose, obviously 1000 is a far too large deficit. It is commonly recommended to reduce calories by 15-20% below the daily calorie maintenance number that you learned from the Harris Benedict Formula.

Figure out your own BMR here. Then figure out your daily calorie needs with the Harris Benedict Equation. Based on your weight loss goals, subtract 15-20% to create a deficit. There we will finally have that magic number we've been looking for! Mine is right around 2500 calories. This may sound like a lot, but as I begin to lose weight, it will constantly change, as my BMR will lower as my weight lowers. This will allow me to lose at a somewhat slow but steady pace. As I kick exercise into the mix it will of course also switch things up. Cutting 3500 calories total in one week will result in approximately a 1 pound weight loss. I've got to admit, with what I've got to lose, one pound per week does not make me happy. I'm sure there will be lots of tweaking with my daily calorie intake, and maybe this will finally be the thing to get me on a hardcore exercise regimen. Let's say I burn 800 calories per day exercising, then that's at least another two pounds per week! Dealing with these concrete numbers makes me feel so much more in control. It kind of de-mystifies the concept of weight loss.

I'm going to Florida this weekend, so I will be starting my new plan on Tuesday, July 28th! Now, before I get yelled at for waiting until after my weekend get-away, please understand that if I had started two weeks ago and was on a roll with the plan, I would definitely stick to it while away. I know from experience though that the first few days can be tricky territory, so why make it that much harder for myself by doing it away from home?

"Bit by bit, putting it together. Piece by piece, working out the vision night and day. All it takes is time and perseverance, and a little luck along the way."

Coming up next: I detail exactly what types of food I will be eating. A very general look at my eating plan!

"Man In The Mirror"

Y'all, I am having a moment here. Get out the smelling salts and a church hand fan, because either you or I will need them. Step into my shoes for a moment, if you will. If you are or ever have been overweight, you know that you have photos that you have decided will NEVER, under any circumstances see the light of day. They are hidden in a shoe box under your bed, or a folder deep in the recesses of your hard drive. For those of you who are visions of beauty who have never had a weight problem, just think back to that day you had a whopper of a zit on an important day. The photos live on forever, whether we like it or not.

I figure that a part of my process is to accept the fact that I am currently overweight (and used to be even BIGGER) before I can take my next step in finally losing it. I'm now controlling my weight and body instead of my weight controlling me. Therefore, I present to you a photo journal of my ups and downs since approximately 2001. Grab a healthy snack and settle in, this is gonna be epic.

Let's start back in 2001 and move to the present. This way we get the worst (read, biggest) photos out of the way early, and perhaps we can all forget them by the end of this entry. Also, I've cropped nearly everyone out of these photos, please don't take offense.

First up, early 2001. I was 16 or 17 in this photo. I was a totally average child; not skinny or fat. In early high school I slowly began packing on the pounds, but this is when it was starting to get out of hand.

I believe this is probably the biggest I have ever been. My own perception of my weight is so jacked that I really can't be positive either way. This was July of 2003, taken four days before I made my move to New York City. I didn't crop out Kimberley Locke simply because she's honestly the only reason that this photo wasn't destroyed. Just keeping it real! This photo takes my breath away; I feel like I'm looking at someone else, that there is no way in hell it could actually be ME.

This is from November of 2003. A solid four months of life in the city was obviously doing good things to me. I did a modified version of Atkins beginning in July of 2003. To this day, I still believe that Atkins (the REAL plan, not a bastardized version that claims you can eat bacon and cheese all the live long day) is a great plan. It's just very hard to stick with it.

Fast forward to May of 2004. I had maintained what I had lost, and continued to lose (albeit at a slower pace).

Just a few months later in August of 2004 I reached my lowest weight. I was still approximately 40 pounds from my final goal. However, I reached the point where I was finally starting to get too comfortable with the amount of weight I had lost. The impetus that made me start losing weight was that I wanted to be able to walk into any store and find clothes that fit properly. At this weight, that was no longer an issue, so I began the slow ascent to back up the scale. The one thing that strikes me about this photo is how young I look. I look like such a baby! I was 20.

Here we are sometime in mid-2005. You can see I put maybe 10 pounds back on, but nothing extreme. All of my slimmer clothing still comfortably fit and I felt fairly good.

This was taken in late September, 2005. When I look back at this I think, "I look pretty good!". The crazy thing is that I very clearly remember thinking when this picture was being taken that I did NOT want to be photographed because I felt that I had put a massive amount of weight back on. I was convinced I was back to obese. Now in present day 2009 (some 30 or 35 pounds heavier than in this photo), I wonder what was wrong with me back then. I'm convinced that every person with weight issues has at very least a mild form of BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder).

Perhaps since my late 2005 brain was already believing I was a failed fattie, the thought became reality, as you can see from this photo from March of 2006. This began the destructive cycle of: become unhappy, comfort myself with food, gain weight, become even more depressed, eat bad things (almost subconsciously), and continue the climb back up the scale.

Taken in October 2006, I reached the highest weight I had been since 2003. Having not been on a scale in probably a year, I was shocked to see the scale climb to above 300 pounds. The week before these photos were taken I had started another round of low-carb living, but the open bar put a momentary kink in that plan, as evidenced in the photo. :)

For whatever reason, the low carb lifestyle wasn't working for me as easily as it had in the past. This photo, from December 2006 shows very little change from two months prior.

There were very few photos taken of me in the first half of 2007. After seeing others manage to have some success with Weight Watchers, I attended my first meeting two days after my 23rd birthday in April. Down a significant portion of weight, I was feeling fairly good in August of 2007. I know I look like a bit of a douche in this photo, but in my defense the person that took it told me to "look like you are dancing!"

I continued to lose (although fairly slowly) into September of 2007. However, I had reached that magical weight that I had reached back in the Summer of 2004 where I was JUST comfortable enough to not care ENOUGH about maintaining a good diet. The problem with this is that I was still a solid 40 to 50 pounds away from my goal.

Though I had pretty much stopped losing weight (up 2, down 1, up 1, down 2), I was still attending my Weight Watchers meetings and half-assing it. Because of this, I was at least able to maintain all of my loss. This photo is from December 2007.

Throughout the first half of 2008 I stayed pretty much the same as the fall of 2007. I had one minor jump up of about 10 pounds, and that held steady for a while. This photo is from August of 2008. The funny thing is, I thought that it was a huge deal and that I had gained "so much weight back". As in the past, thought became reality, and after I was laid off from my day job, the weight began to pile on.

This is from Thanksgiving 2008. I had gained approximately 15 pounds since August. Much of my clothing was no longer wearable, and I had to purchase a few new shirts.

Fast forward to late Spring of 2009, and I've gained an additional 10 to 15 pounds. It's odd how I seem to maintain one weight for a while, and then seemingly within the period of only a week, it jumps 8 to 10 pounds. It teeters for a few days, and if I don't make a drastic change in my eating, it ends up sticking. It's very strange the way it works.

I'd venture to say that I'm a similar size to what I was in late 2006. I'm certainly not at my highest ever, but if I don't put a stop to it, who knows where this could lead. This photo is from July 2009.

I've been holding steady for approximately two months. No gains, no losses. I want this to be my FINAL before photo. I want every picture from here on forward to be an AFTER photo. I never want to see this weight again.

I'm so glad you all are here with me to help me become an AFTER. I did it before, and I know I can do it again. It just seems to get harder and harder with each re-gain. How many times can you put yourself through the cycle mentally and physically? It has to stop somewhere. There are so many goals I want to achieve in life. I want to be successful. I want to be inspirational. I want to be confident. I want to be a working singer/actor. I am confident in my abilities. I simply KNOW that I am good enough, and I have no doubt that I am capable of achieving all of these things and more. I just need to get my mind and body in order to be able to do them.

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could've been any clearer..."

Coming up next: I will detail my eating plan, and set a firm start date. Be here!