"Here I Go Again"

To those that have been checking regularly for an update to my last post, let me apologize for dropping the ball. Three weeks between posts is far too long, and I will make sure to keep things moving from this point forward. I've got lots of ideas, and I'm still very invested in this blog!

So where am I in the journey? Not altogether surprisingly, I had what I'm calling a false start. A soft launch. I began my program as planned, but as should be expected, life quickly got in the way. I would say I have been doing my program at 50-60%. The application I had decided to use on my iPhone to track calories (called 'Lose It') ended up being extremely tedious to use all day long. I went out of town twice. I had visitors for a few days. I received not one, but two rejection letters from prospective jobs within an hour of each other. I know that to be successful, I must adhere to my plan closer to 90-95% of the time. I'm in no way excusing my actions or lack thereof, I'm simply listing some of the things that I let get in the way of my progress so that I can learn from my mistakes.

Am I disappointed in myself? Yes, a bit. I'm not dwelling on the fact that I'm still at the starting line two and a half weeks into my race. I'm just trying to use this disappointment as a learning experience. I've learned that I very easily let myself get sidetracked. The adage that you must take everything one day at a time has never felt more true. In my case I think I need to make my mantra to take everything "one minute at a time". I caved and ate something I shouldn't? Oh well, that was two minutes ago, time to move on and start fresh. I'm having a great time with friends and had two margaritas (rocks/salt)? Well that was an iffy choice but if it's over and done then I must move on and start fresh...which means no gorging on extra tortilla chips at Blockheads just because I "already messed up". The time for wallowing has passed.

I'm going to ramp back up to 95% over the next few days. I think for calorie tracking I'm going to buy a simple note pad and golf pencil. As much as I love technology and hoped to track using my phone, I think this is one case where an old standard wins out.

Things learned:

Take everything one minute at a time.

Acknowledge, analyze, accept, and then move on.

Weight loss to date: 0 pounds.

"Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I've ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone. And I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time."

Coming up soon at Finally Losing It: A rant on clothing sizes, an exploration of the Zumba fitness craze, and a 'begrudgingly healthy' tiramisu recipe!

"I Know Where I've Been"

Well here we go! Thank you for visiting what I hope becomes a busy and popular place. I've started this blog for a number of reasons. Let's get the obvious out of the way: I am fat. Obese, in fact, according to the popular BMI (Body Mass Index) chart. For years I have struggled with my weight. I have fluctuated quite a bit over the last six years. That's why the tag line of the blog is "I've been up, then down, and back up again." This all started with the idea that I wanted to get back on track and (yet again) lose weight, but also wanted some extra reason to really stick with it. I figured that having an audience to report to on a daily basis would help me stay in line. I have done Weight Watchers in the past with success, and I think it is by far the best weight loss program out there. However, I tried doing WW again this Spring, but for some reason I just couldn't stick with it the way I had in the past. The "fear" of the weekly weigh-in just wasn't enough, and it simply was not working for me.

The original simple intention of this blog was to make myself accountable, on paper, to essentially the whole world. I plan on exploring the struggles, accomplishments, and set-backs that come along on the journey of weight loss. However, the more I've been thinking about what my relationship to the blog will be like, the deeper I really want to take this. I am planning on being 100% honest with myself and with you, my reader. Like Oprah always tells us, struggles with weight are never just about the food. You have to fix what's going on in your head, and then the rest will fall into place. I look at this as almost therapy. For instance, I'm going to admit, talk about, and try to grow past the problem that I have where when I happen to be on an upswing of gaining weight, I don't want to see friends and family that might not have seen me since I was 10, 15, even 20 pounds lighter. It's really sad when you think about it. These are people you love and want to share things with, but you always have that nagging thought in the back of your head saying, "What will they think? They're going to be surprised to see I gained all of this weight back. They'll be disappointed and think I'm weak." Just even recognizing and admitting to myself that I feel that way makes me want to challenge my own thoughts and stand up for who I am, and what I can become.

I'm thinking that the blog posts will fall into the following categories:

• Rants - from being annoyed at the skinny friend who eats nothing but burgers & beer, to any other thing I feel like bitching about
• Tracking - what I eat; the good AND the bad. I will gloat when I have the perfect day, but will also admit when I fall off the wagon.
• Making Progress - Simply, how much weight I lose, etc.
• Moving More - My relationship with exercise is not one I enjoy. Let's explore what works to get and keep my ass moving.
• Eating Better Food - Exploring what I eat that's bad, figuring out what I like that's good for me, and sticking to it.
• Goals - Weight goals, life goals, clothing goals, you name it.
• Begrudgingly Healthy - Where I take a food or meal you think can't be done healthily and I find a way to make it "legal" on my plan. Recipes, etc.

Let's end this mega-post with a song quote. It may seem cheesy, ("Oh he's using song lyrics to describe his weight loss journey.") but hey, shut up. If it rings true for me, then that's all that matters.

"There's a dream in the future. There's a struggle, that we have yet to win. And there's pride, in my heart, 'cause I know where I'm going. And I know where I've been."

Coming up next: A (frightening, for me) photo scrapbook of my weight's ups and downs over the past six years!