"I Know Where I've Been"

Well here we go! Thank you for visiting what I hope becomes a busy and popular place. I've started this blog for a number of reasons. Let's get the obvious out of the way: I am fat. Obese, in fact, according to the popular BMI (Body Mass Index) chart. For years I have struggled with my weight. I have fluctuated quite a bit over the last six years. That's why the tag line of the blog is "I've been up, then down, and back up again." This all started with the idea that I wanted to get back on track and (yet again) lose weight, but also wanted some extra reason to really stick with it. I figured that having an audience to report to on a daily basis would help me stay in line. I have done Weight Watchers in the past with success, and I think it is by far the best weight loss program out there. However, I tried doing WW again this Spring, but for some reason I just couldn't stick with it the way I had in the past. The "fear" of the weekly weigh-in just wasn't enough, and it simply was not working for me.

The original simple intention of this blog was to make myself accountable, on paper, to essentially the whole world. I plan on exploring the struggles, accomplishments, and set-backs that come along on the journey of weight loss. However, the more I've been thinking about what my relationship to the blog will be like, the deeper I really want to take this. I am planning on being 100% honest with myself and with you, my reader. Like Oprah always tells us, struggles with weight are never just about the food. You have to fix what's going on in your head, and then the rest will fall into place. I look at this as almost therapy. For instance, I'm going to admit, talk about, and try to grow past the problem that I have where when I happen to be on an upswing of gaining weight, I don't want to see friends and family that might not have seen me since I was 10, 15, even 20 pounds lighter. It's really sad when you think about it. These are people you love and want to share things with, but you always have that nagging thought in the back of your head saying, "What will they think? They're going to be surprised to see I gained all of this weight back. They'll be disappointed and think I'm weak." Just even recognizing and admitting to myself that I feel that way makes me want to challenge my own thoughts and stand up for who I am, and what I can become.

I'm thinking that the blog posts will fall into the following categories:

• Rants - from being annoyed at the skinny friend who eats nothing but burgers & beer, to any other thing I feel like bitching about
• Tracking - what I eat; the good AND the bad. I will gloat when I have the perfect day, but will also admit when I fall off the wagon.
• Making Progress - Simply, how much weight I lose, etc.
• Moving More - My relationship with exercise is not one I enjoy. Let's explore what works to get and keep my ass moving.
• Eating Better Food - Exploring what I eat that's bad, figuring out what I like that's good for me, and sticking to it.
• Goals - Weight goals, life goals, clothing goals, you name it.
• Begrudgingly Healthy - Where I take a food or meal you think can't be done healthily and I find a way to make it "legal" on my plan. Recipes, etc.

Let's end this mega-post with a song quote. It may seem cheesy, ("Oh he's using song lyrics to describe his weight loss journey.") but hey, shut up. If it rings true for me, then that's all that matters.

"There's a dream in the future. There's a struggle, that we have yet to win. And there's pride, in my heart, 'cause I know where I'm going. And I know where I've been."

Coming up next: A (frightening, for me) photo scrapbook of my weight's ups and downs over the past six years!